When "I'm Good" Isn't the Truth: Reflections from the Strong One

Have you ever received a call where the person on the other end asks, "Girl, how are you?"

If you're usually the strong one, your automatic answer is probably, "I'm good." At least that's what mine used to be. But what would happen if I told the truth and said, "I'm not doing well"?

What if the person who always holds it together admitted that the weight they're carrying feels unbearable? The magnitude of what's happening around them is overwhelming. That life has been "life-ing" so hard that even breathing feels like an overstimulating task.

What would you do then? Would you pause long enough to really listen to see them? To let silence hold space. Paying attention and taking notice that their strength has limits, too.

I often wonder at this point in my wellness journey, what would've happened earlier if I was honest about not doing well, not carrying emotional pain well, honest about being burned out, about needing space to heal and rest well. I am unsure of how conversations and relationships would have changed, but in this season, I am practicing saying, "I am not well, I don't have the bandwidth, I need rest, No."

As someone often seen as "the strong one," I've started paying closer attention to how I carry that strength. For years, I held it in ways that weighed me down emotionally, physically, spiritually, and even financially. Every day felt unbearable.

Then, during one of my quiet moments with God, He showed me something life-changing: I was carrying things that were never mine to take. Along the way, I picked up burdens not meant for me to have but for me to lay on the altar through surrender without fear, fasting, prayer, and meditation.

The much-needed change happened through three strategies: prayer, fasting, and meditating on the Living Word, understanding that "man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that comes from the mouth of God" (Matthew 4:4). I learned to eat the bread of life, become fully dependent on the word of the Lord and less on the words of the world. It was a shift that I am certain is now noticeable

spiritually, mentally, emotionally, personally, and professionally.

I've made intentional behavioral and emotional changes that help me stay honest with God, with myself, and with others. I have learned that only God saves, and sometimes my help was really a need for validation, affirmation, and people pleasing, I was intervening in a way that may have kept people from surrendering things to God because they had come to believe they could bring them to me first. I was not operating according to the Living Word, I was trying to make my word holy, yes wrong answer. That's why I thought I had to be the strong person because I didn't want to be the wrong person.

I am grateful for growth that has taught me to stop taking it all on, to ask for help, be honest about how I am doing, and now allow people to help me without feeling guilty or ashamed. I've invited loved ones to check in on me as I do for them, and, for once, I've practiced being truthful during those check-ins. I've taken off the mask and the cape. In doing so, I've become more spiritually grounded and emotionally vulnerable, yet intelligent and rational, even when life gets hard and seems overwhelming. I have learned not to hide behind my own perceived strength or idolize it. I have learned that my emotions should not rule my entire day!

These shifts haven't been easy. But I've learned to truly cast my cares on God and let Him care for me. I've learned to pour out my heart in prayer, to fast for clarity, and to seek Him through studying and meditating on His Word.

Because I was tired, tired of pretending to always be the strong one even when I felt weak.

So, check in on those who are always strong. Trust me, we too need a shoulder to lean on, someone to intercede on our behalf, someone to help lighten the load with a word of encouragement, a song, a prayer, or even a hug and and I love you. Strength doesn't mean we don't need support; it means we're human. In this season of complexity and uncertainty, we need each other more than ever.

"Cast all your cares on Him, because He cares for you." — 1 Peter 5:7

With Love,

Coach Q

CEO, Focusing on Self